By Randall Grantham
Years ago I read and wrote about a study funded by our tax dollars that proved something that everybody already knew. The CDC had released findings that cheap beer increases the number of sexually transmitted diseases in society. I could not believe that somebody would waste their time and our money to prove the obvious.
More sex equals more possible cases. Drunken people are more likely to engage in sex. The cheaper the beer, the more you can drink and, thus, the drunker you’ll get.
Why do you think those “Sink or Swim” nights are so popular?
It’s like some people want to prove to us in an empirical manner that fire is hot. Well, they’re not done yet. I’ve seen other studies that have also spent a lot of time and money to prove what anyone could deduce through pure common sense
I just read that Clemson University professors and students have proven that there is no scientific validity to the “five-second rule.” You know what rule I’m talking about, the one that says if you drop your food on the floor but pick it up within five seconds, it’s OK to eat.
Well they say that’s not true.
Of course it’s not true!
It’s a joke. Everybody knows that. If you drop your candy in a pile of dog poo, do you really think that you have five seconds to retrieve it before it becomes tainted with feces? If it lands in a gob of goo, nobody believes they can beat a microbe to the punch. And that’s just the latest of what I’ve termed “stupid studies” that prove the obvious.
Not too long ago, I read that they had done a study that showed older men who took erectile dysfunction drugs, like Viagra, were more likely to have an STD. Hmm, let’s think about that. They’re taking a drug that allows them to do a lot more of what causes that condition, so wouldn’t you think they would have more of that condition? Kind of like the kids with beer — cause and effect.
The magazine Popular Science has a whole section of its webpage devoted to instances where teams of scientists have “confirmed the obvious,” including everything from proof that people are more likely to be in an accident if they text while driving (duh!) to the fact that a mother’s mental state while raising a child can influence that child’s development and outlook.
There have even been funded studies that show people are more likely to wash their hands after using the bathroom if they know someone is watching them and that obesity is caused by eating too much.
It’s not rocket surgery people! What next? Are they gonna try to confirm the adage that you can drink someone pretty? Oops: Been there, done that.
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