By B.C. Manion
The death of someone we love is always a painful loss – but healing can become even more difficult if the loved died by suicide.
Betsey Westuba understands that pain because her brother, Don Falvey, took his own life when he was 53.
“He had suffered from depression all of his life,” Westuba said. “He left a note saying he couldn’t take the pain any longer.”
The loss of her brother put Westuba on a new path. She received help to deal with her grief and then went on to become a volunteer at Suncoast Kid’s Place Center for Grieving Children and Families in Lutz. She later was hired to be the center’s suicide prevention coordinator.
The center and the Bereavement Coalition of Tampa Bay are co-hosting a conference at Van Dyke Church in Lutz aimed at helping people who are coping with the loss of a loved one who died by suicide.
The conference will be held simultaneously at 250 sites around the world. The local event is planned for 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. on Nov. 20 at Van Dyke Church, 17030 Lakeshore Road. It includes a 90-minute broadcast by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
National Survivors of Suicide Day was created by the U.S. Senate in 1999 through the efforts of Sen. Harry Reid, of Nevada, who lost his father to suicide.
The event provides an opportunity for members of the survivor community to gather for support, healing and information.
Pasco and Hillsborough counties are not immune from the incidence of deaths by suicide. Last year, 86 people took their own lives in Pasco County and 199 did so in Hillsborough County.
While this conference is geared to people who have lost someone to suicide – help is available beyond the conference not only for people grappling with this kind of loss, but also for people who are contemplating suicide, said Cheryl Jackson, program director for Suncoast Kid’s Place.
There is hope and there is help, Westuba said.
Suicide is a preventable cause of death, Jackson said.
Many issues can contribute to a person’s decision to take his or her own life, Westuba said. “People need to be educated.”
Statistics show that more than 90 percent of suicide victims have a significant psychiatric illness at the time of their death – which often had been undiagnosed, untreated or both, according to information compiled by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.
When mood disorders and substance abuse are both present, the risk for suicide greatly increases, especially among adolescents and young adults, the foundation says.
The media can play an important role in informing the public about the warning signs of suicide, trends in suicide rates and recent treatment advances, but media reports can also contribute to an increase in suicide deaths, the foundation reports.
Research has found an increase in suicide by readers or viewers when the number of stories about individual suicides increases, a particular death is reported at length or in many stories, the story of an individual death is placed on the front page or at the beginning of a broadcast, or the headlines about a specific suicide death are dramatic, the foundation reports.
Reporting of a particular suicide method by the media also can encourage vulnerable individuals to imitate it, according to the foundation. Clinicians believe that risk is even greater if a detailed description of the method is reported.
12th annual National Survivors of Suicide Loss Around the World
Where: Van Dyke Church, 17030 Lakeshore Road, Lutz
Who: Sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention and hosted by Suncoast Kid’s Place Center for Grieving Children and Families and Hillsborough County Bereavement Coalition
When: 9:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m.
The seminar is free, but an RSVP is appreciated for planning purposes. Call (813) 990-0216 or go to SuncoastKidsPlace.org to register
Suicide prevention
You cannot predict death by suicide, but you can identify people who are at risk for suicidal behavior.
Ask the person if he or she is having suicidal thoughts or ideas.
Ask such questions as:
– Are you thinking about killing yourself?
– Have you ever tried to hurt yourself before?
-Do you think you might hurt yourself today?
-Have you thought of ways you might hurt yourself?
-Do you have pills or weapons in your house?
Asking these questions will not increase the person’s suicidal thoughts but will give you information about how strongly the person has thought about taking his or her own life.
Take every threat of suicide seriously. A past history of suicide attempts is one of the strongest risk factors for death by suicide.
There is no evidence that a “no suicide” contract will prevent a suicide. In fact, such a contract may provide a false sense of security.
What to do if someone may be suicidal
-Do not leave that person alone
-Say, “I’m going to get you some help.”
-Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, (800) 273-Talk
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
Suicide warning signs
Seek help from a mental health professional or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at (800) 273-8255 if you or someone you know exhibits any of these signs:
-Threatening to hurt of kill oneself
– Talking about wanting to hurt or kill oneself
-Looking for ways to kill oneself by seeking access to firearms, pills or other means
-Talking or writing about death, dying or suicide when these actions are out of the ordinary for the person
-Feeling hopeless
-Feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge
-Acting reckless or engaging in risky behaviors
-Feeling trapped
-Increasing alcohol or drug use
-Withdrawing from friends, family and society
-Feeling anxious, agitated or unable to sleep or sleeping all the time
-Experiencing dramatic mood changes
-Seeing no reason for living or having no sense of purpose of life
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
For additional help
Here are some additional resources that may be helpful:
Suicide Prevention Action Network USA: www.spanusa.org
American Association of Suicidology: www.suicidology.org
American Federation for Suicide Prevention: www.afsp.org
Suicide Grief Support Forum: www.suicidegrief.com
Betsey Westuba says
B.C.,
I cannot express how deep my gratitude is to you for reporting this article in the way that you presented it! You have done an exceptional job. This article will hopefully provide much needed information not only to the public but to the media as well.
Thank you so very much!
Betsey Westuba
Suicide Prevetion Coordinator
Suncoast Kid’s Place