Sometimes things happen in life that work out better than one could ever plan.
If you are a regular reader of my column, you know that my son, Andy Mathes, was married on a beautiful autumn day last November in Camp Lejeune, North Carolina.
(Courtesy U.S. Marine Corps Gunnery Sgt. Neil Roselli)
At the time, Andy was a first lieutenant in the U.S. Marine Corps. He and his new wife, Erin, had just one week together after they married before Andy deployed for Afghanistan.
Andy and the other Marines in his unit left Camp Lejeune on Veterans Day. I remember thinking it odd they were leaving on that holiday Monday because I assumed our military would honor its troops by making it a day of rest for all servicemen and women, except those actively engaged in war.
When I asked Andy why they left on Veterans Day instead of waiting until later in the week, he laughed and said I obviously did not understand how the military worked. Having heard that before from my son, I thought no more of it — at least not until now.
Andy’s deployment was expected to last eight or nine months, and we were looking forward to his homecoming by the end of the summer. So we were elated when Andy told us that his company’s mission was going well and there was talk about his unit coming home sooner.
In early May, Andy called and said their departure from Afghanistan may happen before the end of the month, but asked Erin and me not tell friends and family in case things changed, as they frequently do in the military.
But then, another week went by and Andy called with news that he was almost certain he’d be home before the end of the month.
And thankfully, he was. Andy was back in North Carolina on May 22 — just in time to celebrate a long Memorial Day weekend with Erin and their dog, Patch.
So how’s that for karma — deploy on Veterans Day and get back in time for Memorial Day? It’s such a glorious coincidence that I can’t help but believe there was some divine intervention, or at the very least, a lot of power behind the many prayers said for my son’s safe return.
It’s been three weeks since Andy has been home and I have yet to see my son. Andy was quite clear that he wanted to spend his first few weeks back alone with his bride — and with no surprise visit from his mother.
You can imagine how hard it has been for me to honor this request, regardless how reasonable it probably seems to everyone but his mother.
My wait got even harder last week when Andy was promoted to captain. Erin was at the ceremony to pin the captain’s bars to her husband’s uniform. Of course, I would have loved to been there, too.
I imagine most mothers with newly married sons go through what I’m feeling these days. After almost 26 years of being Andy’s mother, I’ve been trumped.
Don’t get me wrong. I love Erin and couldn’t be happier with Andy’s choice. Erin is a smart, caring, thoughtful and beautiful young woman who obviously adores my son as much as he adores her.
I understand that she is the other woman in my son’s heart, and the one who now takes top ranking. I also know this is how it is meant to be and, in time, I will fully acclimate to the notion that Andy has a wife and I have a daughter-in-law.
In the meantime I’m learning that being a mother-in-law has some perks. Erin sent me a handwritten note for Mother’s Day with this wonderful message:
“I’ve heard when you want to know how a man is going to treat you, you look at the way he treats his mother. I knew Andy would be a wonderful husband from the way he talked about your relationship. He could openly communicate with you, ask for advice, engage in meaningful conversation with you. I knew this could easily translate to a successful marriage together.”
Erin’s Mother’s Day note made me cry. But it also made me happy because my young daughter-in-law already understands that the bonds between a mother and son will someday transfer to the bonds between a husband and wife.
I know that if Erin is blessed with a son, she will raise him with love, trust, honesty and empathy. She already is aware that the love she has for her son will one day pass to another woman. And like her, this woman will value and respect all that she did as a mother to make her husband the kind of man that my son has become for her.
Published June 4, 2014
