So pour me some Tennessee whiskey,
Pour me a fine Jamaican rum.
That loud mouth soup
Can get ya kind of looped
Tequila, of course I’ll have some!
– (We’ve Got) a Lot to Drink About – J. Buffett
By Randall Grantham
Only two more weeks until the election and an end to this non-stop barrage of campaign ads. We will finally get a respite, if only for a year or so (if that), from the sniping, mud slinging and, yes, in some cases, lying pitches from politicians wanting our votes.
If only there were some way to make this time pass faster. I’ve already cast my vote, so for me especially, it’s wasted time and money on both sides. So I invented some drinking games.
To be fair, I did not invent the television-related drinking game. They’ve been around for years. You know, the games where you and your companions take sips of your beer or slam a full shot based on when a character on television does or says something that is cliché to the actor or show.
And they’re no new developments either. There’s one for “All in the Family,” that old show with Archie Bunker and his “meathead” liberal son-in-law. The rules include instructions that you take one drink whenever Edith “scurries” across the room or whenever Archie tells someone to get out of his chair. But, when Edith yells at someone you take two drinks and if it’s Archie that she yells at, you take three.
There’s one for “Seinfeld” that requires drinking whenever the bass line plays or when Kramer bursts into a room. It gets interactive too. Whenever there’s a Newman/Seinfeld confrontation, everyone must say “Hello Newman” and take two drinks. When the “Soup Nazi” says “No soup for you,” everyone must yell the line with him and take 3 drinks, according to the official rules.
You’d get sloshed quickly watching “Rachael Ray” where you have to take a sip every time she says “EVOO,” “goin’ on,” “delish” or three more pages of Rachaelisms. But no more so than the show 24 where you take a drink each time Jack Bauer disobeys an order.
So, in the spirit of the election, I’ve come up with some drinking games to get us through these last two weeks of the 2010 political season:
Whenever a Marco Rubio ad comes on, one person yells “Marco” and when another person in the house responds with “Polo,” all drink.
If you see the ad with Rick Scott’s mom, everyone has to say, “He’s a good boy,” and take a sip.
As the election gets closer and closer, more and more ads are running, some back-to-back supporting opposing candidates. Take one drink for each ad run against a candidate that just ran a previous ad. For instance, if there’s an Alex Sink ad followed by a Scott ad, followed by another Sink ad, that’s two shots. And, every time someone says “flip-flop,” that’s also two drinks.
If you see Kendrick Meek on an airboat holler, “Red Right Return” and finish the glass.
I don’t know that this will make the final weeks any better, but it will dull the pain a little. And I don’t recommend drinking right before you before vote. But, it does help to hold your nose.
Randall C. Grantham is a lifelong resident of Lutz who practices law from his offices on Dale Mabry Highway. He can be reached at . Copyright 2010 RCG. To comment on this or anything else, e-mail the editor at and for past columns go to lakerlutznews.com.
